An Open Letter to Out-of-Shape People Who Go to the Gym (or want to)

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First of all, relax.  This isn't a rant.
I've been working out for the better part of a decade and I've seen a lot of talk about gyms. There are a lot of myths and stereotypes, very little of it being reality, and very little of it based on truth.

NOTE:  Jerks are everywhere.  They're on the street, in your neighborhood, in traffic, at your job, and YES, even at the gym. Some of those jerks are egotistical muscleheads --but I've also seen plenty of out-of-shape jerks who think their job title somehow gives them the right to treat other people like crap.  Let's just start with the assumption that jerks are jerks, and not necessarily indicative of the group as a whole.

First of all, look around that gym.  Everyone there started out in the same place you are.  Nobody showed up to the gym the first day looking like they do right now.  They were either skinnier, heavier, or just generally out of shape. Everyone has to start somewhere.

The gym is not always social.  For some people, the gym is a social place, for others it is a place of escape, meditation, relaxation. So, feel free to say "hello" or "good morning" to whoever you like, but don't take it personally if they don't respond. I, personally, am fairly focused when I'm working out, and I don't have a lot of time.  I don't really like to socialize. If I have time, I'll certainly chit chat while I'm getting dressed and ready to leave, but I'm not going to stop in the middle of my workout to talk for 20 minutes with you, that would either make me late for work, or I'd end up having to skip part of my workout.

Familiarity = friendly.  At my current gym I was working out there for over a year before anyone said so much as "hello" to me. Lots of people sign up for a membership to a gym, go for 3 months and then quit.  Everyone who's a regular gym person knows this, so people, on top of not socializing due to time and focus, are also hesitant to be friendly with new people. It's nothing against you, they've just seen plenty of people come and go.

Nobody is judging you. At least not the way you think. If you're hogging a machine, or taking up way more space than you need and getting in other people's way, or making unnecessarily loud grunting noises --then yes, people are judging you for those things.  But if you're just fat, skinny, or out of shape? Nope. Aside from the jerks, most everyone is too busy focusing on their workout to care what you look like.

Nobody at that gym thinks they're perfect. If they did, they wouldn't be there.  Everyone there is working on something, whether it's strength, endurance, fat loss, muscle size, definition. or overall health, You may be jealous of their 6-pack, but they may be at the gym trying to get an 8-pack. Or maybe they've got super skinny calves they're trying to pump up.

Some people are shy. Looking "perfect" or looking "ugly" often has no real bearing on how shy someone is. It's just how some people are. When an "average" person is shy, nobody thinks anything of it.  But when an "attractive" person is shy, it often gets misinterpreted as stuck-up or egotistical.  It's easy to think they just full of themselves and that's why they won't talk to you, but remember they could just be really socially awkward. Very few of the attractive people I've met are confident with their appearance, after all, everyone is their own worst critic.

They're not just working their bodies. One of the many reasons why people work out is because they're trying to improve their self-esteem and self-confidence. The people at your gym are just as fragile and flawed as everyone else in the world.

We're having fun. The big secret as to how I'm able to work out 6 days a week every week is because I enjoy my workout. I really do. There are some exercises and movements I really like, and others I'm not fond of, but on the whole, I'm at the gym because I want to be there.  It's not an errand or a chore to me. It's a perk. I feel better after I work out. It's great to accomplish something before 8am almost every morning. It's nice to push all my cares and worries away, get out of my head, and get in touch with my body for an hour. And when I AM stressed or bothered, I try to translate that energy into one more rep, one more set, a faster speed on the treadmill, or a longer stretch at the end. I can't picture my life without working out. It's part of who I am.

Part of the reason why I decided to write this is because of this older guy at my gym.  I don't know his name, I've said "hello" or "good morning" to him a couple times and he mostly doesn't respond or seems embarrassed when he does. He's got skinny arms, skinny legs, and a very big belly. Over the past year he's probably lost between 20-30 pounds and it definitely shows. He's there almost every day I'm there and I work out 6 days a week. He's always at one of the machines or on the treadmill or the evil evil stairmaster. I have nothing but respect for him because he's dedicated, and I can't imagine what kind of courage it takes to walk into a gym looking the way he does every single day. And maybe I'm a shallow jerk for even thinking that.  Maybe he doesn't see himself as courageous or ever wonders if people are looking down on him. I hope he's happy, he seems to have a few buddies at the gym. I hope I keep seeing him there.

I hope I see you there, too.