I've noticed some questions I get asked a lot, or I've seen asked a lot of gay people/couples. So I decided to put them out there for everyone to know.Who's the Man/Woman in the relationship? or - Who's the Top/Bottom?
I've found that when people ask the "Who's the Man/Woman?" question, sometimes they mean temperament, sometimes they're asking about sex.
Some couples and individuals will be GLAD to tell you all about it, perhaps in frightening detail. Others like to keep private information private and may consider it rude of you to even ask.
So here's the thing, LGBT are working without a map. There are no rules and no roles. So, these two questions often don't even apply. Sometimes nobody in the relationship is "the man", sometimes nobody in the relationship is "the woman". And YES, there are gay couples, gay men, who have ZERO interest in anal sex.
I'll pause while that sinks in.
It's popular, but by no means a requirement. Straight people tend to think of vaginal intercourse as "real" sex and everything else as "just" foreplay - so naturally you heteros think anal sex is the same deal for gays. It isn't. Oh, and by the way, the lesbians you see in adult straight films are the product of straight men's desires and assumptions, and usually have very little in common with ACTUAL lesbians.
As far as temperament goes, even if you can tell just by talking to a couple one is more butch and the other more passive -that may just be what's going on today, or in this particular situation. Don't assume they're like that in other situations, and keep in mind this has ZERO bearing on who does what in the bedroom.
How do you figure out who does _______?
This is similar to the man/woman question. The easy answer is this: Without any rules or any roles, gay couples TALK about things. We say what we want, we ask for what we need. Singles (and couples in open relationships) will list exactly what they're looking for in a partner in a personal ad (or on facebook, wherever), or just make it common knowledge among their friends and acquaintances. We don't get what we want unless we advertise and ask.
When it comes to things within a relationship, again, we have to talk about it. In some instances, one partner just starts doing XYZ because he or she likes to do XYZ or at least likes having it done. I like having the dishes done. I don't like doing them, but since my partner loves to cook and is really good at it, I've decided it's only fair that I do the dishes. He took the lead on cooking, and so I've taken the lead on cleaning up afterwards. Sometimes I cook or sometimes I just get things started and he takes over. There are no rules.
Hiç yorum yok:
Yorum Gönder